so i played tennis- doubles. me and brandon vs. mom and rick. we kicked their asses which was so fun b.c rick was trying too hard! then he played it all "arite good job guys" as if he let us win. and my mom was wearing as close to nothing as u can get for playing tennis and her boobs were bouncing up a storm. i wanted to puke- me and brandon were being such bitches. like passive agresive mean-ness. like wed keep beinging up dad! and it was hlarious.
dinner time. my mom said she wanted to have a family dinner out. parker (21 yr old brother) was coming in from brown for a few days also. omg so wierd i havnt eaten, let alone been with, my mom and my 2brothers all at once in 4EVER. anywho we were going to some fancy resteraunt. so i got on one of my nicer dresses and heals and went to meet the fam downstairs. my brothers looked all nice and dressed up, as was rick but who cares and my mom was wearing a pretty dress (for someone my age, a bit revealing especialy for someone with implants the size of my head) and if people were watching from afar we deff looked like one big happy family. hardly what this was.
dinner was....FUCKEN STUPID. they sat us at table 7. around us were all these fancy shmucks who looked like they steeped outa stepford for christ sake. i wasnt in sucha bad mood at that point. i thought it could be good, yno a guy to get my mom outa my hair, she could use getting layed- sex makes her happy- which is good for me. us kids reunited was fucken hilarious. we were being so funny and doing the hole passive agressive thing again. classic. asked rick the most awkward qs we could think of. about all his previous rlationships...his intentions...if he thought our mom was "someone hed tap"(to quote brandon)...omg he was dieing the hole night (not of laughter). then it was their turn to piss us off. my mom opened her purse and starting shuffling under the table- pulls out her hand and BAM theres a diomond the size of her tits on her ring finger. HOLY FUCK. shes beaming being like "rick poped the question earlier! arent u thrilled?!" rick was all smug looking. then they started making out. and thats when all us kids couldnt help flipping the shit. "what the FUCKEN FUCK!!! u like just officaly divorced dad! u cant do that!" "holy shit! when did this all happen" "no fucken way! this isnt happening!". their expressions changed in a matter of seconds, as did the expressions of just about everyone in the resteraunt! my mom then flipped out like "were in a 5star resteraunt u cant just make a scene like this!" what did she expect us to do be like "o wow nice, im happy for u! yay lets all dance and sing and shed some tears". ummm fuck no. "does dad know?" . "he already knew we were dating. its not his buisness anyways. were over" . were not! were still both of ur kids. its not just over u dumb fuck. "how long have u 2 dumb fucks been dating anyways?" haha thinking back we did cause quite a scene, but this is no time to laugh..."7 weeks". umm ok? "ive had hangoers longer then that!" omg i love parker. ive missed us kids revolting like this. good times. so basicly rick didnt no wut to do so he was telling us to calm down! wtf ur not my father, ur nothing to me! dont even try and tell me what to do. my mom cant even do that! we started the yelling fit again and then like 10waiters surround our table and bring a big cake with sparklers that says "happy engagment sugarlips" on it! apprently my moms nickname is now sugarlips. i wanna kill myself sometimes. and they sing for what seemed like 7hours! i smeared the word sugarlips and put all the frosting on my moms nose. she freeked out and ran to the bathroom to wash it off. hahah motherfucker. then while she was in the bathroom we all just death started rick while shoving cake down our throught. everyone in the resteraunt got a show if ive ever seen one. then when my mom came back they said were all going to some huge casino that rick owns tonight. wow hes rich, surprise. so we went to the casino and rick and the mother were all over eachother, taking public display of afection to a hole new level. and they were talking to all these big, famous, imporant people so me and the bros decided to go play some poker and shit. so we asked my mom for some cash to bet with. and rick gave us each $300. umm ok well take it but dont think we like u any better u dipshit. so i wanted to play something easy and my bros are into intense texas hold em and stuff- so they went to the intense place and i went to the area with tables where u just pick numbers and shit. i was walking and this guy started like breething down my neck so i turned around and hes like "can i buy u a drink?" and im thinking that he cleerly knows the way 2 my heart- so im like "sure". he didnt look old enough to be let into a casino so i asked. turns out hes 18 and his dad is partners with rick and like also owns this place. so it was cool and we were just hanging out. walking and talking. i didnt really give a shit if i lost all ricks money so i just put it al on black 7. and woohoo for me b.c i won. turns out im not that bad at this and i like doubled it to $600. then we got some more drinks. i realized i didnt even no this kids name. "o ha, yea names, who needs those. im oliver. u r..?" "im jordana, but ppl call me jordan". then we talked some more, his mom died so it was him and his dad here and his dad was always busy. felt bad. i didnt exactly feel like going threw the hole family matters with this kid i just met. so i didnt, i was just sympathetic and said i know how it feels and stuf like tht. then hes like u wanna get outa here its crazy loud. and i did want to- so we went outside and i texted brandon that id be back soon and not to like leave without me. then me and oliver went outside and we were walking down this beach place and this yacht was parked by the dock. this kid came running off and hes like "oliver! fucken dude! what r u doing here! i thought u cudnt make it" and hes like yea my dads event is rite by here. and so then this kid pulled us on the boat. and there like 200 drunk,1/2 naked kids, grinding and shit. so i was like hey what the hell, why not. so i took couple of shots and i was the only one wearing a fancy dres (or any dres for that matter) so i pulled it off and fit rite in. started grinding. and it was so fun, and freee!!! knwoing that i wouldnt get a bad, or any, repuation for this. i would never see any of these kids again and if i did they wouldnt know it, 2 ddrunk 2 see me straight. so then these 5 guys came over to me and this girl who i was grinnding next to and they picked us up. and they threw us off the side of the boat into the ocean. and they jumped in after us. and there like 10kids swimming out there. and everyone was just cracking up, floating, drunk! ahhh . then i got pullde back on the boat somehow and we were all just doing body shots off eachother and dancing like crazy. i gave like 5 guys my number and got theres. told them id be here another couple of days and they promised to call if there was anything interesting going on. then i herd someone screaming my name. tunred around and it was oliver. hes like "we should really get back to the casino." omg he was rite. it had already been like 3hours since we left. so he showed me where the bathroom was and gave me a towel. i dryed off as much as i coould and put my dress back on. we went back the casino. and my mom told me i reeked of alchol. and i said so do u. and thats pretty much all that went down. then i txted brandon and he told me where he was. so i told oliver id see him around and went to find my bros. holy shit. parker made like 1,200 bucks. brandon lost just about everything but $20. so he gave me the $20 and said i could go play the penny slots and shit like that. i gave parker my $600 and told him to use it and make me some more. so i went to the penny slots and clearly lost the money b.c its like impossible to win those. went back to the bros and parker was doing awsome. then we finaly left the casino at like 3. and i was dead tiered and i felt the hangover kicking in already! so it was about time. fell asleep on parker in the car (aw i missed that kid). then i felt a jolt and he said we were by the hotel
dinner time. my mom said she wanted to have a family dinner out. parker (21 yr old brother) was coming in from brown for a few days also. omg so wierd i havnt eaten, let alone been with, my mom and my 2brothers all at once in 4EVER. anywho we were going to some fancy resteraunt. so i got on one of my nicer dresses and heals and went to meet the fam downstairs. my brothers looked all nice and dressed up, as was rick but who cares and my mom was wearing a pretty dress (for someone my age, a bit revealing especialy for someone with implants the size of my head) and if people were watching from afar we deff looked like one big happy family. hardly what this was.
dinner was....FUCKEN STUPID. they sat us at table 7. around us were all these fancy shmucks who looked like they steeped outa stepford for christ sake. i wasnt in sucha bad mood at that point. i thought it could be good, yno a guy to get my mom outa my hair, she could use getting layed- sex makes her happy- which is good for me. us kids reunited was fucken hilarious. we were being so funny and doing the hole passive agressive thing again. classic. asked rick the most awkward qs we could think of. about all his previous rlationships...his intentions...if he thought our mom was "someone hed tap"(to quote brandon)...omg he was dieing the hole night (not of laughter). then it was their turn to piss us off. my mom opened her purse and starting shuffling under the table- pulls out her hand and BAM theres a diomond the size of her tits on her ring finger. HOLY FUCK. shes beaming being like "rick poped the question earlier! arent u thrilled?!" rick was all smug looking. then they started making out. and thats when all us kids couldnt help flipping the shit. "what the FUCKEN FUCK!!! u like just officaly divorced dad! u cant do that!" "holy shit! when did this all happen" "no fucken way! this isnt happening!". their expressions changed in a matter of seconds, as did the expressions of just about everyone in the resteraunt! my mom then flipped out like "were in a 5star resteraunt u cant just make a scene like this!" what did she expect us to do be like "o wow nice, im happy for u! yay lets all dance and sing and shed some tears". ummm fuck no. "does dad know?" . "he already knew we were dating. its not his buisness anyways. were over" . were not! were still both of ur kids. its not just over u dumb fuck. "how long have u 2 dumb fucks been dating anyways?" haha thinking back we did cause quite a scene, but this is no time to laugh..."7 weeks". umm ok? "ive had hangoers longer then that!" omg i love parker. ive missed us kids revolting like this. good times. so basicly rick didnt no wut to do so he was telling us to calm down! wtf ur not my father, ur nothing to me! dont even try and tell me what to do. my mom cant even do that! we started the yelling fit again and then like 10waiters surround our table and bring a big cake with sparklers that says "happy engagment sugarlips" on it! apprently my moms nickname is now sugarlips. i wanna kill myself sometimes. and they sing for what seemed like 7hours! i smeared the word sugarlips and put all the frosting on my moms nose. she freeked out and ran to the bathroom to wash it off. hahah motherfucker. then while she was in the bathroom we all just death started rick while shoving cake down our throught. everyone in the resteraunt got a show if ive ever seen one. then when my mom came back they said were all going to some huge casino that rick owns tonight. wow hes rich, surprise. so we went to the casino and rick and the mother were all over eachother, taking public display of afection to a hole new level. and they were talking to all these big, famous, imporant people so me and the bros decided to go play some poker and shit. so we asked my mom for some cash to bet with. and rick gave us each $300. umm ok well take it but dont think we like u any better u dipshit. so i wanted to play something easy and my bros are into intense texas hold em and stuff- so they went to the intense place and i went to the area with tables where u just pick numbers and shit. i was walking and this guy started like breething down my neck so i turned around and hes like "can i buy u a drink?" and im thinking that he cleerly knows the way 2 my heart- so im like "sure". he didnt look old enough to be let into a casino so i asked. turns out hes 18 and his dad is partners with rick and like also owns this place. so it was cool and we were just hanging out. walking and talking. i didnt really give a shit if i lost all ricks money so i just put it al on black 7. and woohoo for me b.c i won. turns out im not that bad at this and i like doubled it to $600. then we got some more drinks. i realized i didnt even no this kids name. "o ha, yea names, who needs those. im oliver. u r..?" "im jordana, but ppl call me jordan". then we talked some more, his mom died so it was him and his dad here and his dad was always busy. felt bad. i didnt exactly feel like going threw the hole family matters with this kid i just met. so i didnt, i was just sympathetic and said i know how it feels and stuf like tht. then hes like u wanna get outa here its crazy loud. and i did want to- so we went outside and i texted brandon that id be back soon and not to like leave without me. then me and oliver went outside and we were walking down this beach place and this yacht was parked by the dock. this kid came running off and hes like "oliver! fucken dude! what r u doing here! i thought u cudnt make it" and hes like yea my dads event is rite by here. and so then this kid pulled us on the boat. and there like 200 drunk,1/2 naked kids, grinding and shit. so i was like hey what the hell, why not. so i took couple of shots and i was the only one wearing a fancy dres (or any dres for that matter) so i pulled it off and fit rite in. started grinding. and it was so fun, and freee!!! knwoing that i wouldnt get a bad, or any, repuation for this. i would never see any of these kids again and if i did they wouldnt know it, 2 ddrunk 2 see me straight. so then these 5 guys came over to me and this girl who i was grinnding next to and they picked us up. and they threw us off the side of the boat into the ocean. and they jumped in after us. and there like 10kids swimming out there. and everyone was just cracking up, floating, drunk! ahhh . then i got pullde back on the boat somehow and we were all just doing body shots off eachother and dancing like crazy. i gave like 5 guys my number and got theres. told them id be here another couple of days and they promised to call if there was anything interesting going on. then i herd someone screaming my name. tunred around and it was oliver. hes like "we should really get back to the casino." omg he was rite. it had already been like 3hours since we left. so he showed me where the bathroom was and gave me a towel. i dryed off as much as i coould and put my dress back on. we went back the casino. and my mom told me i reeked of alchol. and i said so do u. and thats pretty much all that went down. then i txted brandon and he told me where he was. so i told oliver id see him around and went to find my bros. holy shit. parker made like 1,200 bucks. brandon lost just about everything but $20. so he gave me the $20 and said i could go play the penny slots and shit like that. i gave parker my $600 and told him to use it and make me some more. so i went to the penny slots and clearly lost the money b.c its like impossible to win those. went back to the bros and parker was doing awsome. then we finaly left the casino at like 3. and i was dead tiered and i felt the hangover kicking in already! so it was about time. fell asleep on parker in the car (aw i missed that kid). then i felt a jolt and he said we were by the hotel
5 comments:
OMG! Theyre getting married!?!?!? thts insaneeeeee! at least u made money! haha kidding thts our parents point of view. woot woot oliver! haha are u guna cheat on joshua
OMG NO im not cheetnig on joshua! oliver..no way. were totaly just friends. we werent hanging out at the party even. he just came and found me at the end. nothing going on tho.
omg i no married! EW. im gona die at tht wedding- if im even invited. ur coming!
totally! were ruining the wedding and getting piss drunk! im excited :)
im rlly sorry
but ull keep having more fun making him nervous
so to keep the gambelin going im taking bets how long it'll last
i love u call me if u needa friend
Post a Comment